Can’t use a simile without using two

I detest purple prose. Nothing grates when you’ve read your fifteenth example of personification by the third sentence. Especially when the setting is full of people already. The problem is that students haven’t learnt about the versatility of a technique. They haven’t reached a stage of proficiency to use a technique in a variety of contexts and purposes. By the time students reach Year 7, they can spot similes and use them freely. In fact, most of the issue stems from stopping them using more than one. 

What are the main problems students have with similes? 

• Resorting to tired similes or cliches 

• Stacking similes on top of each other

• Extreme effects and over exaggeration - His anger was like a volcano going off. 

• Similes sitting alone without any further development 

• Lack of cohesion with the rest of the writing    

Recently I read an interesting simile in Ann Sei Lin’s ‘Rebel Skies’. 

‘Despite its name, the building was neither blue nor did it look anything like a peacock. It stood in the middle of a narrow street on the outskirts of Tomuri like a sagging cake. The raising blocks had cracked on one side so that the inn stood at a tilt, the doors were battered by the wind and the clay tiles on the roof slipped dangerously, splitting onto the ground…’ 

We can see how a simile can be constructed for impact very simply and it seems effortless. 

[1] The simile is used to change the mood. We know something isn’t right about ‘The Peacock’ but the simile identifies what makes it wrong. The simile is a pivot in the structure of the writing. 

[2] The simile itself contrasts with the original image we are presented with. The place is called ‘The Peacock’ and it would, for most of us, make narrative sense and provide an alternative avian simile. A plucked turkey. A dumpey cuckoo. A fat hen. Yet, we are given a simile related to food and not birds. 

[3] The simile is extended and clarified in the sentence after. The ‘sagging’ connects to the ‘cracked on one side’ and the ‘tilt’.  

For students, a simile is just a simile and that’s where the problem lies. They don’t see it as a structural choice. A pivot to change the mood. A cohesive device that connects elsewhere. A simile simply exists on its own and in isolation in a student’s mind. Instead we need students to see the impact and how like a hydra a simple simile can be. 

I think we need to do more on the structural position of a simile in a paragraph. Students throw similes like confetti into their writing so that they stick to everything and appear when you least expect them. They need to be used like an engagement proposal instead. Carefully measured ensuring that the moment is perfect. Of course, you can throw a simile wherever you want, but having a simile hold the structure together is much more effective. Better writers structure their writing around anchors. Why not make the anchor a simile? 

[1] A simile at the start 

Simile 

Sentence 1 

Sentence 2 

Sentence 3

Like a cold winter’s day, the classroom was lifeless and lacked any colour. Grey walls waited for work to be keenly stuck to them with staples, pins or blue-tac. The windows stared impassively at row and row of empty desks and chairs. Coldness slowly seeped in.  

[2] A simile in the middle 

Sentence 1 

Simile 

Sentence 2

Sentence 3 

The garden’s greeness boasted itself to the rest of the street. Bright, bulging flowers thrust themselves forward like an ageing actor fearful of being replaced by a much younger, and cheaper, model. They were in the autumn of their existence. The colours were not as colourful as they once were in spring. They were not as tall as they once were in the summer. Their time was close to the end, but they would not give up without some kind of fight. 

[3] A simile at the end

Sentence 1

Sentence 2

Sentence 3

Simile 

As the garage door opened, light gently woke up the room. Piles of long forgotten boxes and cartons slept silently, hoping not to be disturbed. Dust blanketed everything and anything it could. The room held its secret like a murder hides his intent behind a smile.    

Now I don’t think I will win any awards for writing these examples, but they serve to prove a point: how a simile can be used to structure writing and have an impact. Able students often use devices to structure their writing while other students simply throw in similes without thought on how they can aid meaning. Students need to see and learn the versatility of a device. Too often we focus on the construction and not the use of a device. The fact a student can use the device in the first place shouldn’t be a source of amazement. How a student uses the device should be. 

Of course, simile usage isn’t simply the domain of fiction. In fact, the use of simile to turn the flow of the discourse is common in non-fiction. A serious article can flip into pantomime with one simile. Where to put the simile is the real  skill.  Where should I put the simile  ‘like some inflated sausage made of more sinew and fat than meat’ to describe the supposedly returning Prime Minister?  

Thanks for reading, 

Xris