One word drafting

Drafting is a very tricky aspect of teaching. Rarely do students draft effectively. They are usually in one of two camps. ‘The tickle brigade’ likes to dot an i or add a comma or apostrophe in one place.  ‘The blunderbuss gang’ likes to scribble everything out and start again. There’s no happy medium. It is either all or nothing.  

I find the process is problematic as a teacher. What do you do? Do you give students a list of things to check in their writing? Or, do you show it as a stepped process? Right, people, let’s start by checking we have used capital letters correctly!  Rarely does the process of drafting link to effect and impact. The drive is always on making it look or sound better, but it is never on making the impact better. 

For that reason, that’s why I have been focusing on one aspect of drafting: one word to improve a sentence. Very simply I give students a sentence and they have to add /change a word to lift it or make it better. Basically the same thing. 

Example: The mist surrounded the gravestones. 

I am not a fan of purple prose and, in fact, I’d rather read concise, crisp prose than anything else. Drafting always focuses on turning writing into purple prose. Add a simile. Add a list. Rarely, does it ever focus on reducing and condensing. Good writers do that. They say so much in one sentence that there’s no need for a paragraph. Students, on the other hand, say one thing but use fifty sentences instead of one.  

The example sentence can become one of the following: 

[1] The mist swallowed the gravestones.  [A sense of power and something destructive]  

[2] The mist silently surrounded the gravestones. [A sense of unknown danger] 

[3] The cold mist surrounded the gravestones. [A negative atmosphere] 

What I love about this is that as soon as it becomes focused on one word, the student is focused on meaning and effect. Students don’t often think about the effect when adding a technique like a personification. They don’t go: I need to add a piece of personification because I want to create an unsettled atmosphere. They just throw some personification at the text with the hope that it will work. 

Focusing on one word helps them to get under the bonnet and look at the mechanics of the writing. All too often, the techniques are the drivers for improvement and rarely do they do much in a piece. No English teacher has gushed over the use of alliteration, but they have gushed over an interesting choice or word or combination of words. If we want students to be better at analysing language, then we need them to be better at using language themselves. In the beginning was the ‘word’. 

Look at how the approach can be easily used for non-fiction. 

Example: Taking a holiday in Britain has its benefits. 

Taking a holiday in sunny Britain has its benefits.   [sarcasm]  

Taking a holiday in Britain has its rewards.  [emphasis on positivity]  

Taking a cheap holiday in Britain has its benefits. [emphasis on money]  

Taking a vacation in Britain has its benefits. [makes it seem better than it is] 

So you can see with one word the meaning can be changed and the impact of the text changed. This thoughtful exploration of word meaning is valuable for students to get better with language and language analysis. All too often, we focus on the techniques and not the word choice. Everything, for me, begins with words. 

Students already have this thoughtfulness to language composition. We see that when they message their peers. They know that the wrong word in a sentence can destroy a relationship. Because the consequence is largely immediate. With writing in lessons, the consequence isn’t immediate. The teacher isn’t going to have a strop if the wrong word is used. That’s why I think we need to attune students to drafting the word choice. We need to teach them the importance of considering and pondering a word in a sentence. We know they can write, but the best writers consider and ponder the words they use. They don’t throw everything in. 

Thanks for reading, 

Xris 

P.S. Here are a few sentences we are using with students this term. To get them in the ‘zone’, we are giving them these sentences and asking them to lift them up with one word. And only one word! 

[1] Light appeared through the cracks in the door.  

[2] He paused for breath. Unsure what to do. 

[3] The footsteps could be heard upstairs. 

[4] Light fell from the window and revealed a figure in the corner. 

[5] The scratching started behind the door. 

[6] The silence was painful. 

[7] The shadow moved slowly. 

[8] The trees slowly tapped the window.