I have always had an uneasy relationship with the show. I
liked the straight talking of some of the judges but detested the way the show
manipulated my emotions, or tried to. Like the old exam system, there were
people that didn’t quite deserve to get there. Wagner and Jedward are just two
examples that come to mind. They achieved a lot, while others more deserving
failed at an early stage.
Now the new format has decided to use the new approach
towards education. First we have the phonics test – the audition with just the
judges. That just tests your ability to read, I mean sing. Let’s weed them out
at an early stage. Then we have the SATs tests, which, compared to the first
audition, is 500% harder. The SATs tests are more demanding and challenging.
First it was reading. Now it is reading, writing and grammar. Now, you are in a
huge stadium proving you can sing, ooze charisma and handle the pressure. Get through
both of these test and you make it to boot camp.
This is where I get uncomfortable. The singers are now categorised according to
their age and gender and then they have to perform yet again. This is where we
get to the GCSEs. The singers /students now have to sing for their life. At
this stage, they have worked so hard and received praise and encouragement by a
system that says that they are good. At each hurdle, they have demonstrated
their ability. Now, there appears a
figure who decides who is worthy and who isn’t worthy of going on in life – I mean
the show. Those worthy get to sit on a
white plastic chair and those unworthy slouch off home. Yet, to make things
even worse, you sit down thinking you have a hope of success, then in a second
your hope is dashed because a judge has decided someone is better than you.
Those that have worked hard through the system and done everything right are
suddenly binned, because this is showbiz, darling. It is tough. Look at the
recent GCSE issues, all those students who had worked hard and sat on their
white plastic chairs. Those chairs were cruelly yanked out from under them. In
fact, the chairs disappeared, as there was nobody to replace them with.
I don’t take any pleasure in watching people cry, nor do I
get any enjoyment from watching someone’s hopes and future dashed and
destroyed in one simple movement. Having young children, I see enough crying
and snot dribbling that I have no desire to watch it for entertainment. The
problem I have always had with The X-Factor is the notion that success is
instant. This year they seem to have made it their running theme that success
is about trying and trying again, and humiliation after humiliation. Look at
how many old contestants have returned this year. Of course, they are a bit like
an old character in a soap. A blast from the past. But, also they are examples
of how success isn’t instant. Bring on the Year 12 students who resit exams.
Next week, or the week after, we are at the judges’ houses. Like
A-Level, this is all cosy and nice. Lots of chatting and a relaxed atmosphere.
Only a few succeed and get through. The rest are all told that maybe they are
just not ready. Give it a go again next year, because then you will be ready
for it.
Anyway, back to those chairs. Those vile, evil chairs that
represent everything evil in this new format of the show. I am teaching horror
writing to my Year 8s at the moment and I think the chairs would make a great
starter for a lesson. The approach I use
for personification either came from somewhere else or it came from my brain. I
will see which one responds first and then I will give them a credit.
Step 1: Think of some
verbs that only a human would do.
Sneezes
Whispers
Stares
Grins Stares
Smiles
Nods
Shivers
Step 2: Think of an object.
The lights
The floor The desk
The speaker
The microphone
The projector
The chair
Step 3: Add some adjectives to the object.
The harsh, cold lights
The clean floor The high, towering desk
The warm microphone
The bright projector
The silent chair
Step 4: Put some of the objects and the verbs together.
The blank and tall speaker sneezes music
The high, towering desk stares
The silent chair smiles
The warm microphone shivers
The blank and tall speaker sneezes music like a pneumatic
drill
The high, towering desk stares like a courtroom judge
The silent chair smiles like an assassin
The warm microphone shivers like nervous animal
Step 6: Adding just a little more detail
The blank and tall speaker sneezes music like a pneumatic
drill, struggling to control itself
The high, towering desk stares like a courtroom judge,
hoping to condemn The silent chair smiles like an assassin, waiting to get ready.
The warm microphone shivers like nervous animal, wishing it was somewhere else
Thanks for reading this,
Xris
P.S. I hear that next year that will be a different style of
boot camp. There will be a two tier system. Some will get to sit on chairs;
others will sit on beanbags. Those on chairs are promised a number one single.
Those on beanbags are promised a chance to sing on a cruise ship.